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I Am Nervous

February 11, 2020 by Scott Moon Leave a Comment

Good morning friends and neighbors.

I had some thoughts this morning. Some were fit for sharing (but most weren’t… let’s be honest!)

You may have guessed that I’m in a strange mood. So many things are happening. I could give a bunch of updates about my writing career, or how many times I walked my dog today, or why Facebook politics make me want to crawl into a hole and sleep for a hundred years.

Maybe then all the drama would be over, but I doubt it.

Here’s the thing: I’m nervous. The Last Reaper series is doing better than I could have hoped. (Huge thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed the books.) I am very happy with my work-in-progress, Bastion of the Reaper.

Life is pure awesomesauce.

Bastion is the last in the series, sad but awesome in all the right ways. I’ve never written a ten-book saga before and completing the big finale isn’t easy. (But neither is it as hard as I thought it would be.)

So why am I nervous?

I have a promotional interview tomorrow and I am not prepared. I’ve taken the exam for the rank of police lieutenant about six or seven times now. It’s hard to keep track because I don’t throw my hat in the ring every year. My passion is writing. Being a cop is good, but I’ve always wanted to be a fulltime writer more.

The job pays the bills, provides financial security for my rather large family, and gives back a little to the community. I won’t be surprised if I miss it when I finally do retire. It is where I have spent most of my life for twenty-three years.

Patrol, special teams, gang unit, Exploited Missing Child Unit, SWAT. Officer, detective, sergeant. I earned a Masters Degree in Public Administration because I thought it was a good fit for the career (and I never really believed I could make a living writing books. Which, of course, turns out to be a false assumption.)

Am I qualified to be a police lieutenant? I think so, but mostly because I focus on people inside and outside of the department; I try to make things a little better for people when I can.

But sometimes, when dealing with an issue I haven’t seen for a while, I have to look up policies and procedures up. I’m quick to phone an expert. Unlike many supervisors, I actually take feedback from my subordinates well.

These things are not easy to convey to a promotional board and may not be what they want to hear in any case. But whatever. I gotta be me. Which means I probably won’t be promoted.

But I will still have a job.

I could pull the plug and write full time. I could walk away from law enforcement tomorrow and no one in my family would starve. Would we need to cut back? Sure. But it could be done.

I hope you are living your best life today. I pray that something is made easier for your, that you have a breakthrough or a windfall or a revelation that aims you toward your best destiny.

Until next time, be safe,

Scott

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